I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize