it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
