That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a search helicopter?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
