They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
