Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
