I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
