Just fell off a train. Bad.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
