yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
