He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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