my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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