nut hugger
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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