After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
