dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
