I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
