If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
