That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
