I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
