Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
