You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
