May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
