I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
