Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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