First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
