I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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