I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
