i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
