just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
