Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
