dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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