put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
