Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
