have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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