Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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