So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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