We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize