i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
