i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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