If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
