This dress was meant to end up on your floor
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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