I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
