Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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