id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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