I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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