woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
