just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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