exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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