White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
