He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
His nipple licking is glorious
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