The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
