You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
