I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize