Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
