Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
