i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
