..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
