he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
