I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
