Heybabeimwearingurpanties
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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