Got a toothbrush?
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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