My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you would pick up someone in the library
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
