did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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