Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
