I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize