but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
