You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
love makes seman taste better
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm at about main and main street
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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