I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
