If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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