I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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