operation harelip BJ is a go
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
