He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
