I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
