I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
