it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
