The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
