the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
