OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
