if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
