I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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