Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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