he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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