when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
