I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
