So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
