he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
