it's too hot outside to masturbate.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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