i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All the doctor said was why
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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