you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
