Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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