i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
