New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
