You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We named our party play list daddy issues
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
