Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
