It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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