Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
