I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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