She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
