I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
