Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
