i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
