Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
