I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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